Goal follow-up

Writing Goal #1: analyze diction and syntax and relate this analysis back to the thesis statement

Example 1, Truth Paper

The prisoner's life outside the cave contrasts his life inside of it, as he is able to expand his interaction with the world beyond simply "looking." Furthermore, "contemplate" implies a deep understanding and deliberation over a topic, displaying the prisoner's newfound comprehension of the true world. Once he becomes accustomed to reality, the prisoner's mental capacity expands drastically.

The thesis statement for my truth essay is, "The freed prisoner, Connie, and John each find truth by emerging from physical confinements in which they have previously been satisfied, demonstrating a sheltered environment's negative impact on the perception of truth." In this piece of evidence, I successfully analyze the words "looking" and "contemplate," but I stray from my thesis statement. I fail to make the connection that the cave is the prisoner's shelter, and his refuge there inhibits his comprehension of the outside world.

Example 2, Crime and Punishment Paper

At this moment, "Raskolnikov's pale face took flame. A shudder passed through him. His eyes lit up" (Dostoyevsky 228). Now, a drastically different Raskolnikov than the sullen, morose one portrayed earlier emerges; only love is capable of transforming him so greatly. "Flame" refers directly to Raskolnikov's reddened face; he blushes not only at the awkwardness of seating a prostitute alongside his family, but also at the embarrassment of feeling affection for a person of her profession. Moreover, "flame" connotes passion and desire, indicating the intensity of Raskolnikov's sudden infatuation, especially in contrast with his previously "pale," lackluster existence. The negative undertone of the word "shudder" suggests Raskolnikov's mild revulsion at this newfound love: namely, because he deems himself, a murderer, unworthy of loving such a good, pious girl as Sonia. Despite this shudder, the light in Raskolnikov's eyes reflects the joy that Sonia gives him.

The thesis statement for my Crime and Punishment paper is, "Raskolnikov instantly falls in love with pious Sonia, yet his behavior toward her fluctuates from deferential to cruel; these shifts in behavior parallel his wavering religious beliefs, such that his ultimate confession of his love for her coincides with his religious enlightenment." In this piece of evidence, I successfully analyze the words "flame," "pale," and "shudder" to prove that Raskolnikov is falling in love with Sonia. I fail to look at the striking diction in the three quoted sentences; I do not note their significance in contrast to Dostoyevsky's long-winded writing style throughout the novel. Most noticeably, in this paragraph, I fail to relate Raskolnikov's love for Sonia to his religious beliefs, missing a key part of my thesis statement.

Example 3, Independent Reading Paper

Marianne's frequent use of the word "and" to tie her sentences together expresses the excitement with which she recalls the conversation. However, Marianne's fear in spite of her excitement arises out of her subconscious reckoning that Corinne does not accurately express Michael's intentions. Furthermore, the uncertain words, such as "maybe" and "I think," in Marianne's depiction of her mother's half of the conversation portray Corinne's uncertainty and the slim possibility that Michael would actually like to speak to Marianne. That Corinne's suggestion comes "just out of nowhere" further hints at its lack of solid support from Michael himself.

The thesis statement for this essay is, "The dichotomy in the outcomes of the characters' quests for atonement before death demonstrates that atonement depends not on the victim's forgiveness, but on the wrongdoer's inner change and resulting ability to forgive himself." In this piece of writing, I address Michael's lack of inner change, as evidenced by the conversation about him that Marianne has with her mother, which she recounts to her brother. I analyze both the diction and syntax of the exchange to prove my point that the conversation hints at Michael's unwillingness to speak to Marianne, and thus his lack of character change.

Writing Goal #2: decreasing wordiness -- being more concise, cutting down on unneeded words, improving language use in general

Example 1, Song Lyric Odyssey Paragraph

In the Odyssey, the gods test Odysseus by pitting him against the Cyclops Polyphemus, the giant Laestrygonians, a trip to the underworld, the Sirens, Scylla and Charybdis, and Penelope's suitors waiting in Ithaca. Despite these difficulties, Odysseus continues on his journey with the goal of returning safely to Penelope.

I give a whole bunch of unneeded detail about the obstacles Odysseus faces; it doesn't matter which obstacles he faces, only that he faces them. Furthermore, it's obvious that the gods pit Homer against various enemies as a test -- why else would they do it? The words "with the goal of" are also unnecessary. I could have rephrased this entire thought by simply stating, "Although the gods face Odysseus with various obstacles, he continues on his journey to return safely to Penelope."

Example 2, Truth Unit Short Works Writing Assignment

Cortázar presents the phrases "he was not going to wake up" and "he was awake" alongside each other to indicate that the two stories are intertwined.

This isn't the wordiest sentence in existence, but it's not great. It contains an unnecessary infinitive and mentions the author in a piece that isn't about author's intent. I could simply have stated, "The placement of the phrase 'he was not going to wake up' alongside 'he was awake' indicates that the stories are intertwined."

Example 3, Independent Reading Paper

That Corinne's suggestion comes "just out of nowhere" further hints at its lack of solid support from Michael himself.

The point I'm trying to make here is simple: Corinne's suggestion that Michael would like to speak to Marianne is wishful thinking and lacks any basis in reality. Earlier in the year, I could see myself writing something like, "The fact that Corinne's suggestion comes "just out of nowhere" further shows that Michael has no input in what Corinne says." Instead, I use the declarative content clause "that Corinne's suggestion comes 'just out of nowhere'" as the subject (I'm sorry, I really like grammar), making for a concise and effective sentence.

Reflection

In the beginning of the year, I had an idea of how to analyze diction and syntax, but I often got carried away and forgot that my analysis was supposed to relate back to my thesis and advance my argument. My analyses were often incomplete, and I missed connections that I could have made. I definitely improved because I began writing more effective analyses by checking to make sure that most sentences I wrote contributed to the development of my thesis statement. Of course, I do still stray from my thesis sometimes or bring up irrelevant points, but this occurs with much less frequency now that it did at the beginning of the year. In the future, I'd like to focus on not providing too many pieces of evidence to prove one small point; sometimes I beat things into the ground.

I used to be far wordier and far lazier with my writing than I am now. Most of my errors and confusing points could be fixed simply by rephrasing a few sentences, but this sort of sloppy writing has been a problem for me for years. After studying the methods of eliminating wordiness, I began thinking about how to make my sentences more active and how to use my language more effectively. I started cutting down on my use of the word "is" and focused on making my sentences more concise. The improvement in the clarity of my academic writing over the year becomes obvious simply by comparing my first major essay to my last. My sentences can still be quite long and confusing, and I will continue to focus on clarity moving forward. In addition to cutting down on wordiness, I'd also like to focus on varying sentence structure.

Methods of Eliminating Wordiness

1. Replace circumlocutions with direct expressions.

• Example: Raskolnikov first catches sight of Sonia when she arrives at Marmeladov's deathbed.
• Correction: Raskolnikov first sees Sonia when she arrives at Marmeladov's deathbed.

2. Change phrases into single words.

• Example: The narrator presents a contradiction, leading the reader to question which scenario is a dream and which is reality.
• Correction: The narrator's contradiction leads the reader to question which scenario is a dream and which is reality.

3. Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases.

• Example: Milton expresses Satan's evil joy at tempting Eve to come to the forbidden tree.
• Correction: Milton expresses Satan's evil joy at tempting Eve to the forbidden tree.

4. Use active rather than passive verbs.

• Example: In the event that a prisoner is introduced into the outside world and is flooded with sudden knowledge, it would take a while for him to become accustomed to his new life.
• Correction: If a prisoner were to enter the outside world and suddenly experience knowledge, it would take a while for him to become accustomed to his new life.

5. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs.

• Example: Fifteen-year-old Connie's lack of respect for authority is an exhibition of her extraordinary free will.
• Correction: Fifteen-year-old Connie's lack of respect for authority exhibits her extraordinary free will.

6. Omit repetitive wording.

• Example: Connie is not forced to go outside; she does so by exercising her free will in order to save her once-hated sister and parents from harm.
• Correction: Connie exercises her free will to go outside in order to save her once-hated sister and parents from harm.

7. Eliminate unnecessary determiners.

• The fathers of John's society "forbade the Dead Places" in order to protect the society from destruction.
• John's forefathers "forbade the Dead Places" to protect the society from destruction.

8. Change unnecessary "that" clauses.

• John's interest in literature and desire to learn display a curiosity similar to that of the freed prisoner and unlike the blind obedience to religion that he experiences before his enlightenment.
• John's interest in literature and desire to learn display a curiosity similar to that of the freed prisoner and unlike his blind obedience to religion before his enlightenment.

Comma Errors

Original sentence 1:

The negative undertone of the word "shudder" suggests Raskolnikov's mild revulsion at this newfound love: namely, because he deems himself, a murderer, unworthy of loving such a good, pious girl as Sonia.

A colon can be used to introduce a list or a complete idea that exemplifies the previous sentence. Since, "because he deems himself unworthy" is a dependent clause, the colon would be inappropriate. Appropriate solutions would be to either replace the semicolon with a comma (and delete the unnecessary "namely"), or to keep the semicolon and remove the conjunction. To retain relatively short, easy-to-understand sentences, I chose the latter.

The negative undertone of the word "shudder" suggests Raskolnikov's mild revulsion at this newfound love: he deems himself, a murderer, unworthy of loving such a good, pious girl as Sonia.

Original sentence 2:

 In "The Allegory of the Cave," Plato asserts that knowledge is difficult to obtain, but once it has been reached it can never be relinquished.

Here, I need a "compounder" to separate the clause "but once it has been reached" from the separate clause "it can never be relinquished."

In "The Allegory of the Cave," Plato asserts that knowledge is difficult to obtain, but once it has been reached, it can never be relinquished. 

Original sentence 3:

Rather than submitting to Arnold's requests Connie fights back verbally and mentally.

I'm missing an "introducer" comma.

Rather than submitting to Arnold's requests, Connie fights back verbally and mentally.

Original sentence 4:

Briony, young and naive at the time she falsely accuses Robbie of rape naturally realizes the severity of her act as she ages and gains wisdom.

I need an "interrupter" comma to set "young and naive at the time she falsely accuses Robbie of rape" apart from the rest of the sentence.

Briony, young and naive at the time she falsely accuses Robbie of rape, naturally realizes the severity of her act as she ages and gains wisdom.

Original sentence 5:

Raskolnikov and Sonia's love therefore maintains their spirituality in addition to providing them with a reason to live.

I need a "finisher" comma here.

Raskolnikov and Sonia's love therefore maintains their spirituality, in addition to providing thej with a reason to live.

Original sentence 6:

Michael follows the pattern Coale describes in that he strains to achieve this truth yet ultimately loops back to his original self.

I need a finisher comma here, as well.

Michael follows the pattern Coale describes in that he strains to achieve this truth, yet ultimately loops back to his original self.

Original sentence 7:

When Marianne visits her older brother Patrick at his Cornell dorm room, she describes a phone call from her mother Corinne hinting that Michael may finally be ready to see his daughter.

I am missing interruptor commas to separate "Patrick" and "Corinne" from the rest of the sentence.

When Marianne visits her older brother, Patrick, at his Cornell dorm room, she describe a phone call from her mother, Corinne, hinting that Michael may finally be ready to see his daughter.

Original sentence 8:

When Raskolnikov visits Sonia’s apartment after disowning Pulcheria and Dunia he asks her to read him the story of Lazarus, then criticizes her choice of prostitution to support her family.

I need an introducer comma here.

When Raskolnikov visits Sonia’s apartment after disowning Pulcheria and Dunia, he asks her to read him the story of Lazarus, then criticizes her choice of prostitution to support her family.

 

Major Essay Revision

Original Essay:

A Higher Love

In Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Raskolnikov instantly falls in love with pious Sonia, yet his behavior toward her fluctuates from deferential to cruel; these shifts in behavior parallel his wavering religious beliefs, such that his ultimate confession of his love for her coincides with his religious enlightenment.

As Raskolnikov comes to love Sonia, he treats her with as much respect as he does his own family. Raskolnikov first catches sight of Sonia when she arrives at Marmeladov’s deathbed, and her charm instantly intrigues him. Their initial interaction, however, occurs when she visits his apartment to request his attendance at Marmeladov’s funeral luncheon the following morning. Despite Sonia’s lifestyle as a prostitute and her inferior social status, Raskolnikov seats her next to his sister and mother – a gesture meant to show the high esteem in which he holds her. At this moment, “Raskolnikov’s pale face took flame. A shudder passed through him. His eyes lit up” (Dostoyevsky 228). Now, a drastically different Raskolnikov than the sullen, morose one portrayed earlier emerges; only love is capable of transforming him so greatly. “Flame” refers directly to Raskolnikov’s reddened face; he blushes not only at the awkwardness of seating a prostitute alongside his family, but also at the embarrassment of feeling affection for a person of her profession. Moreover, “flame” connotes passion and desire, indicating the intensity of Raskolnikov’s sudden infatuation, especially in contrast with his previously “pale,” lackluster existence. The negative undertone of the word “shudder” suggests Raskolnikov’s mild revulsion at this newfound love: namely, because he deems himself, a murderer, unworthy of loving such a good, pious girl as Sonia. Despite this shudder, the light in Raskolnikov’s eyes reflects the joy that Sonia gives him. As the conversation continues, Raskolnikov does not declare his love for Sonia outright, yet she “observed the sudden illumination of his face with something close to amazement” (Dostoyevsky 231). The rapid change in Raskolnikov’s facial expression reflects the suddenness of the onset of his love for Sonia. Sonia’s response of “something close to amazement” is a weak and diluted form of amazement itself; Raskolnikov has not yet made his love for Sonia clear, as this would elicit a stronger reaction from her. Raskolnikov, though entirely enamored of Sonia from the first time they meet, soon encounters difficulty treating her with due respect as he begins to doubt his religious faith.

Raskolnikov acts most hostilely to Sonia at the height of his religious bereavement, questioning the legitimacy of her faith and negating his previously kind and polite manner in seating Sonia next to his family. His irreverence at these times also extends to Pulcheria, Dunia, and Razumikhin – the people he holds dearest – though not to the degree that it exposes itself in his interactions with Sonia. When Raskolnikov visits Sonia’s apartment after disowning Pulcheria and Dunia, he asks her to read him the story of Lazarus, then criticizes her choice of prostitution to support her family; he also rebukes her for remaining faithful to the Bible despite her life of sin. In an example of Raskolnikov’s hostility to Sonia, Dostoyevsky portrays the following encounter at Sonia’s apartment:

‘Maybe there’s no God at all,’ Raskolnikov said with a certain malevolence. Then he laughed and looked at her.

All of a sudden Sonia’s face became terribly transformed; spasms and tremors passed rapidly across it. She looked on him with unutterable reproach, wanting to say something, unable to get anything out. Suddenly she burst into bitter tears and covered her face with her hands. (Dostoyevsky 307)

“Malevolence” denotes Raskolnikov’s ill-wishes for Sonia – verbal contradictions of the love he truly feels for her. Raskolnikov’s laughter at such a serious topic as the existence of God heightens Sonia’s perception of his vileness. Dostoyevsky depicts Raskolnikov’s hostility to Sonia through a description of her facial expression, in the same manner that he previously uses Raskolnikov’s countenance to depict his love for Sonia. Sonia’s “spasms” and “tremors” resemble a seizure by an evil force: Raskolnikov’s heresy. Her “reproach[ful]” face indicates contempt, an emotion that appears out of character for the generally loving girl. By introducing the possibility that God does not exist, Raskolnikov purposely corrupts Sonia’s religious purity and induces her convulsive reaction. Sonia’s childlike act of covering her face with her hands reflects Raskolnikov’s heartlessness and capacity for emotional destruction. Bereft of religion and unable to treat Sonia respectfully despite his underlying love, Raskolnikov cruelly infects her with his godlessness.

Raskolnikov’s eventual confession of his love to Sonia while in prison occurs in conjunction with his acceptance of religion. Raskolnikov’s fellow prisoners dislike him, in part because of his rude treatment of Sonia, whom they all adore. When Raskolnikov finds himself alone with Sonia during one of her visits, “suddenly something seemed to seize him and hurl him to her feet. He wept, and embraced her knees … A boundless joy illuminated her eyes. She understood. For her there was no longer any doubt he loved her. He loved her infinitely” (Dostoyevsky 521). As Raskolnikov eliminates any doubt that he loves Sonia, he also clears his personal doubt in the existence of God. Prostrating oneself at another’s feet indicates a religious confession, and Sonia previously commands Raskolnikov to reveal himself as a murderer in this way. Raskolnikov’s act of “embrac[ing] her knees” demonstrates a feeling of obeisance to Sonia that starkly contrasts his egocentric behavior until this point in the novel. Furthermore, Raskolnikov illuminates Sonia’s face rather than putting her out of countenance as he does earlier; this alteration in Sonia’s expression points to the progression in Raskolnikov’s treatment of her from cruelty to kindness. Dostoyevsky goes on to state that “love resurrected them; the heart of one contained infinite sources of life for the heart of the other” (Dostoyevsky 521). Raskolnikov’s love for Sonia not only brings forth an optimistic vision for his life after prison, but also, in the religious sense of the word “resurrected,” ensures that he has rediscovered his faith in God and can once more achieve salvation. God is a “source of life” in all Abrahamic religions; Raskolnikov and Sonia’s love therefore maintains their spirituality, in addition to providing them with a reason to live. Dostoyevsky describes both Raskolnikov’s love for Sonia and the life the two provide for each other as “infinite;” with its vast and otherworldly connotation, the word further hints at the spiritual aspect of the pair’s relationship. As Raskolnikov reveals his love to Sonia, he recognizes his religious faith and enables himself to treat her courteously.

Although Raskolnikov loves Sonia throughout Crime and Punishment, he behaves nastily toward her while he lacks faith in God and courteously toward her following his religious enlightenment; these fluctuations suggest the correlation between religion and behavior. Sonia is an undeniably godlike character, and Raskolnikov’s love for both Sonia and God establishes itself in the Epilogue. Through Raskolnikov, Dostoyevsky stresses to readers the importance of religion and love in producing positive behavior.

Feedback:

Lovely language and fluidity. Exceptional close reading throughout -- work on varying sentence structure, particularly in close reading analysis. Some consistency of specificity in topic sentences needed. Solid ideas but limited argument.

Revised Essay:

A Higher Love

In Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Raskolnikov instantly falls in love with pious Sonia, yet his behavior toward her fluctuates from deferential to cruel; these shifts in behavior parallel his wavering religious beliefs, such that his ultimate confession of his love for her coincides with his religious enlightenment.

Raskolnikov's face lights up the first time he meets Sonia, and he falls in love with her immediately, yet his reserved nature prevents him from divulging his true feelings. Raskolnikov first sees Sonia when she arrives at Marmeladov’s deathbed, and her charm instantly intrigues him. Their initial interaction, however, occurs when she visits his apartment to request his attendance at Marmeladov’s funeral luncheon the following morning. Despite Sonia’s lifestyle as a prostitute and her inferior social status, Raskolnikov seats her next to his sister and mother – a gesture meant to show the high esteem in which he holds her. At this moment, “Raskolnikov’s pale face took flame. A shudder passed through him. His eyes lit up” (Dostoyevsky 228). Now, a drastically different Raskolnikov than the sullen, morose one portrayed earlier emerges; only love is capable of transforming him so greatly. “Flame” refers directly to Raskolnikov’s reddened face; he blushes not only at the awkwardness of seating a prostitute alongside his family, but also at the embarrassment of feeling affection for another person. Moreover, “flame” connotes passion and desire, indicating the intensity of Raskolnikov’s sudden infatuation, especially in contrast with his previously “pale,” lackluster existence. Raskolnikov's "shudders" in mild revulsion at this newfound love because he deems himself, a murderer, unworthy of loving such a good, pious girl as Sonia. Despite this shudder, the light in Raskolnikov’s eyes reflects the joy Sonia gives him. As the conversation continues, Raskolnikov does not declare his love for Sonia outright, yet she “observed the sudden illumination of his face with something close to amazement” (Dostoyevsky 231). The rapid change in Raskolnikov’s facial expression reflects the suddenness of the onset of his love for Sonia. Because Raskolnikov has not yet made his love for Sonia clear, she reacts only with “something close to amazement” -- a weak and diluted form of amazement itself. Raskolnikov, though entirely enamored of Sonia from the first time he hears of her, soon encounters difficulty treating her with due respect as he begins to doubt his religious faith.

Raskolnikov acts most hostilely to Sonia at the height of his religious bereavement, questioning the legitimacy of her faith and negating his previously kind and polite manner in seating Sonia next to his family. His irreverence at these times also extends to Pulcheria, Dunia, and Razumikhin – the people he holds dearest – though not to the degree that it exposes itself in his interactions with Sonia. When Raskolnikov visits Sonia’s apartment after disowning Pulcheria and Dunia, he asks her to read him the story of Lazarus, then criticizes her choice of prostitution to support her family; he also rebukes her for remaining faithful to the Bible despite her life of sin. In an example of Raskolnikov’s hostility to Sonia, Dostoyevsky portrays the following encounter at Sonia’s apartment:

‘Maybe there’s no God at all,’ Raskolnikov said with a certain malevolence. Then he laughed and looked at her.

All of a sudden Sonia’s face became terribly transformed; spasms and tremors passed rapidly across it. She looked on him with unutterable reproach, wanting to say something, unable to get anything out. Suddenly she burst into bitter tears and covered her face with her hands. (Dostoyevsky 307)

“Malevolence” denotes Raskolnikov’s ill-wishes for Sonia – verbal contradictions of the love he truly feels for her. Raskolnikov’s laughter at such a serious topic as the existence of God heightens Sonia’s perception of his vileness. In the same way that Raskolnikov's countenance previously depicts his love for Sonia, Sonia's facial expression now reflects Raskolnikov's hostility to her. Sonia’s “spasms” and “tremors” resemble a seizure by an evil force: Raskolnikov’s heresy. Her “reproach[ful]” face indicates contempt, an emotion that appears out of character for the generally loving girl. By introducing the possibility that God does not exist, Raskolnikov attempts to corrupt Sonia’s religious purity and induces her convulsive reaction. Sonia’s childlike act of covering her face with her hands further emphasizes Raskolnikov’s heartlessness and capacity for emotional destruction. Raskolnikov's cruelty to Sonia occurs in conjunction with his thoughts of atheism, establishing a link between his behavior and the intensity of his religious beliefs. Bereft of religion and unable to treat Sonia respectfully despite his underlying love, Raskolnikov continues to treat her malevolently until his religious awakening.

Raskolnikov’s eventual confession of his love to Sonia while in prison and the commencement of his civil behavior toward her occur in conjunction with his acceptance of religion. Raskolnikov’s fellow prisoners dislike him, in part because of his rude treatment of Sonia, whom they all adore. When Raskolnikov finds himself alone with Sonia during one of her visits, “suddenly something seemed to seize him and hurl him to her feet. He wept, and embraced her knees … A boundless joy illuminated her eyes. She understood. For her there was no longer any doubt he loved her. He loved her infinitely” (Dostoyevsky 521). As Raskolnikov eliminates any doubt that he loves Sonia, he also clears his personal doubt in the existence of God. Prostrating oneself at another’s feet indicates a religious confession, and Sonia previously commands Raskolnikov to reveal himself as a murderer in this way. Raskolnikov’s act of “embrac[ing] her knees” demonstrates an obeisance to Sonia that starkly contrasts his previously egocentric behavior. Raskolnikov's "illuminated" face when he first witnesses Sonia parallels Sonia's illuminated eyes as she finally receives his unfettered love. Furthermore, Raskolnikov illuminates Sonia’s face rather than putting her out of countenance as he does earlier; this alteration in Sonia’s expression points to the progression in Raskolnikov’s treatment of her from cruelty to kindness. Dostoyevsky goes on to state that “love resurrected them; the heart of one contained infinite sources of life for the heart of the other” (Dostoyevsky 521). Raskolnikov’s love for Sonia not only brings forth an optimistic vision for his life after prison, but also, in the religious sense of the word “resurrected,” ensures that he has rediscovered his faith in God and can once more achieve salvation. God is a “source of life” in all Abrahamic religions; Raskolnikov and Sonia’s love therefore maintains their spirituality, as well as provides them with a reason to live. Dostoyevsky describes both Raskolnikov’s love for Sonia and the life the two provide for each other as “infinite;” with its vast and otherworldly connotation, the word further hints at the spiritual aspect of the pair’s relationship. As Raskolnikov reveals his love to Sonia, he recognizes his religious faith and enables himself to treat her courteously.

Although Raskolnikov loves Sonia throughout Crime and Punishment, he behaves nastily toward her while he lacks faith in God and courteously toward her following his religious enlightenment; these fluctuations suggest the correlation between religion and behavior. Raskolnikov's love for both Sonia, an undeniably godlike character, and God Himself establishes itself in the Epilogue. Through Raskolnikov, Dostoyevsky stresses to readers the importance of religion and love in producing positive behavior.

Adolescent Identity Email Thread

abigailweinberg97@gmail.com:

Hey guys. It was really nice meeting both of you at camp. I thought it was funny how we ended up getting along, even though we're all so different. I guess I was particularly surprised that you two wanted to be my friends -- and just my friends. I find that, a lot of times, boys only see girls as possible sexual partners. I think that's disappointing but I'm glad you two are different. I wonder why that is.

So, what's been up with you guys lately?

 -- Abigail

tobeornottobe@netscape.com:

'Tis because love is too complicated, that I do not bestow it upon any other woman, besides, perhaps, Ophelia. It has torn apart my family, as my mother has fallen for our incestuous king, and allowed Claudius's untimely death to go unavenged. And besides! a woman's love is only temporary.

-- Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

youreaphony@verizon.net:

Hamlet, what are you talking about? You're just about as mad as all the bastards at that place that time I had to be psychoanalyzed. I get that you like Ophelia, but what the hell are you talking about with the king and Claudius? And I don't think a woman's love is only temporary, because it'll always have happened, you know? Just like how my brother Allie died, but I can still like him. Just because he died doesn't mean I have to stop liking him. It's like that with love. Even if you're not going out with someone anymore, you can still love them. Just because you stopped dating someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving them.

And Abigail, I don't think that's true what you said about guys and all. Only the phonies are like that. See when I hang out with a girl, I want her to be the type of person who doesn't say "grand," and I want her to be nice and I want to be able to talk about things with her. To tell you the truth, I think being attracted to a girl is different than wanting to hang out with her.

tobeornottobe@netscape.com:

Holden, there may be truth in what you say, yet women always change their minds and fall at the hands of lust. My father's incestuous brother slayed my father and then took my mother for his wife. My mother claimed to love my father, yet now she loves my evil uncle. Thus, women never have permanent loves. It is the men who love truly, and the men who suffer in consequence.

Now I wonder whether 'tis better to suffer in love or to die, to die and never to love. Is there a possibility of love after death? After my death, will I be loved? Will I be forgotten? Will I be capable of love, of memory, of any sort of consciousness after I am gone? These questions haunt me, and so, for now, I live.

abigailweinberg97@gmail.com:

Hamlet, Holden's right. You are nuts.

I think the whole thing about love is really complicated. I think what Holden said is right, that you can always keep loving someone, even if you're no longer together. You can't take away the fact that you loved them. I think love can be temporary or permanent, depending on the situation, but I don't think the permanence of your love has anything to do with your gender.

Hamlet, people will love you even after you die, just like how Holden loves Allie even after Allie's death. But you will be forgotten, eventually. Unless, like, some big fancy playwright dude makes a fantastic timeless play about your life that people read for hundreds of years after your death. But it's not like that would ever happen.

And I don't know, I don't like thinking about what happens after you die. Mainly because I've never been able to convince myself that anything happens after you die. Even as a little kid, I used to cry whenever my grandparents came to visit, because I knew they were nearing death and I thought it was just so awful that they were never going to exist in any form after they died. I've tried to suspend my disbelief and imagine a heaven and a hell but I just haven't been able to stretch my credulity so much as to actually have it work. It's scary and I secretly envy religious people for this reason. I think their lives must be so pleasant, having this knowledge that you're always being cared for and watched over. How do you guys feel about this stuff?

 youreaphony@verizon.net:

Well, I don't think people just go away after they die. Like, they still exist, and even though Allie's lying there in the ground, he's probably up in heaven or something. But he's still here somehow. When I was acting all crazy asking him for help crossing the goddam street, I knew he was there somehow.

I guess you could say I'm an atheist, if you want to know the truth. To tell you the truth, I don't like the idea that you have to be religious to go to heaven. I'm in the middle between having a religion and not having one at all. If you didn't have one at all, what would be the point in living? The truth is, I would probably jump out a window or something, if I didn't have one at all. If you think of all the people you know that have died, it's too goddam miserable to think they're all just dead and don't exist anymore. Jesus Christ, that would be awful.

tobeornottobe@netscape.com:

Consciousness after death is separate from the location of your body. To be killed while praying is to go to heaven physically, and to die sinning is to go to hell. Yet, when in heaven or hell, only God knows what thou experience.

abigailweinberg97@gmail.com:

Hamlet, you're weird. 

youreaphony@verizon.net:

Hamlet, you're a goddam phony. 

Personal Narrative Draft

                Alyssa and I were forced to spend the day together during an AP US History field trip to the Freedom Trail our sophomore year; neither one of us had been able to identify another friend to work with. Her dull hair was chopped into an angular crew cut, and she appeared to have obtained her oversized clothes from rummaging through her father’s closet. I’d seen her on the school bus before, always silent, always with drooping blue eyes, and I’d secretly wondered whether she were a boy or a girl.

                Thrust into a group with her, I decided to determine whether she lacked friends by choice or by social stigma. I attempted conversation and found that I was speaking to a brick wall. I told her at length about my music taste, my love for fashion, my infatuation with the written word, yet I received few words in return. I tried my best to communicate and, receiving no response, gave up for the day.

                I interacted with her occasionally throughout the rest of our sophomore year, wishing her happy holidays, and, at the end of the year, a fantastic summer. Only during our junior year, when we were placed in the same AP History class, did I glean any more information about this background character in my life.

                She never spoke in class unless called on. When the teacher asked for her input, her responses were cutting and witty, but dulled by a soft frontal lisp. She giggled sweetly whenever I spoke, and if you really looked at her, you could tell that she was beautiful. Everyone in the class fell in love with her weird charm, and she, in turn, attempted to glare back at everyone in the class – only for her sullen stare to subside into a smile.

                She never did her homework, yet she scored high marks. I wondered what she did every day, when the school bus dropped her off at her rented house in the woods. She had no friends to hang out with, and she certainly didn’t spend her time studying. I once half-jokingly told her that I’d bet she had an “expansive internet presence,” and she replied with only a sly grin. I knew there was something more to the boyish girl in my history class.

                I decided to give her a copy of a little collection of poems and art I had compiled in a “zine” with a friend who lives in Toronto. I handed her the small stack of folded papers and said, “I know I don’t know you that well, but I thought maybe you’d like this.”

                With a sincerity foreign to any of her history class retorts, she raised her soft gray eyes and said, “Thank you so much.”

                Two days later, I noticed that the blog associated with the little zine I had given her had a new follower. I clicked on the blog that had followed mine and discovered a simple website with a black background. I scrolled a bit and realized that the blog was a collection of drawings of chairs from the same angle, and a new drawing had been posted each day for several months. Some of the drawings explored negative space, while others were line drawings or forays into cubism or strange abstract scribbles. Yet each drawing decidedly resembled a chair, and the blog was remarkable.

                Pondering the identity of this brilliant anonymous artist, I immediately thought of Alyssa. I sent her an instant message asking, cautiously, whether she were the creator of this blog.

                “Yep,” she replied. “You found me.”

N.B. Ms. Hoff and Ms. Dubofsky, you can both probably tell who this is about. I'd just like to ask that you please respect her privacy by not sharing this narrative with anyone -- she doesn't even know that I'm writing this about her. Thank you very much.

Creative Component

your summer camp friend will never gray,
nor will you grow to recognize
the way he strokes his thighs
in agitation
leaving tender streaks impermanent
to the bleeding shins
and almost kisses
never touching
never healing
and september’s sun sets
on bruises and potential

back at school she rides her bike --
nobody’s first choice but her own --
whistling circles to the closed up sky
and, in the hallways, on her way to the nurse,
she pretends to know what it is to die

something about the rain makes people drive faster,
she thinks, on her way home,
remembering the yellow days when the still languid air made time go slow

N.B. Believe it or not I'm wary of showing any of my creative writing to other people. I always think of the part in The Picture of Dorian Gray when Basil says something along the lines of not wanting anyone else to see the painting because it reveals too much of himself. I like writing things that make sense to me and not necessarily to anybody else, but I'm not nearly as confident about them as I am about my essays and stuff. I'm not really sure why I'm writing this note, except that maybe I feel that the poem itself would be too vulnerable to stand alone on the page without any prose at the bottom to alleviate the discomfort of feelings.